The Listening Ear Recommends
The Listening Ear Recommends is my way of sharing podcast episodes, and other audio content. That have helped me gain a better understanding of the influence of my lived experience.
These recommended episodes contain insight into how to identify opportunities for self-compassion. When our initial reaction would be to criticise, punish or ignore.
Podcast Episode
What I loved/learnt?
I knew from the title of the episode, that this one was for me. If there is one thing people say, to me and, about me. It’s that I’m too hard on myself. And though I agree with them, I don’t know how to stop doing it!
Understanding the science of why I’m so hard on myself helps. In the episode they were able to explain the internal consequences of what happens when I self-criticise. Which is something I’ve never thought about. And that’s the point. When we’re actively unkind to ourselves we don’t think about what it would feel like to hear what’s been said. We just say it and expect a significantly better outcome the next time.
Why listen?
Do you want to learn about more effective strategies to achieving your goals?
This episode examines the pros and cons of using criticism as a method of motivation. Spoiler alert, there are more cons than pros.
They discuss the physiological and psychological implications of being actively cruel to ourselves. And the ways in which this influences our interactions with others and our perception of what happened.
They offer compassion as the alternative method to use to motivate ourselves to achieve our goals. And identify an important distinction between self-esteem and self-compassion. Which is needed so not to gloss over mistake, but rather to turn toward it and acknowledge it is a shared experience that is more common than we’d allow ourselves to believe.
Podcast Episode
What I loved/learnt?
I am not yet a parent. Though parenting is something I think about every time I am around the children of my friends and family.
I instantly get uncomfortable when I witness a child getting punished. Especially a child I know personally. My thoughts are always, what exactly happened for that to be the response. Closely followed by, was there an alternative way to handle that. And now from listening to this podcast episode I know there definitely is.
Why listen?
Do you want to know in what ways you can change your behaviour to accommodate more reward, and less punishment?
This episode examines whether reward or punishment is the best way to encourage ourselves to do something.
They discuss the definitions of reward, punishment and negative reinforcement. With the perspective of how each is used to encourage, or discourage, repeated behaviour. And offer a proactive solution to counter the reactive response of punishment.
They acknowledge that the response/results from punishment are more immediate. For example, if your yell at someone to stop doing something they will do so in that moment. Whereas the pay off from rewarding behaviour comes later. When the behaviour is done autonomously, consistently and independent of reward. Though maintain it is worth, and more likely to have a lasting impact.
Podcast Episode
What I loved/learnt?
I enjoy listening to the hosts discuss their interpretations of the Harry Potter stories. And how they feel they relate to the characters.
The theme/commonality of this episode was compassion. Which is explained as, the recognition and/or understanding of suffering. I think we can all agree that, that is something a lot easier to do when someone other than ourselves is suffering.
Through their discussion of the level of compassion shown from each character, in the chapter they were reflecting on. The hosts identify that compassion takes patients. There is an intentionality to compassion, whether to ourselves or others. That requires us to give our attention to the moment. Which is necessary to do in order to be able to imagine what we or someone else might be feeling.
At different parts in the story various characters overlook opportunities to show compassion. As they are focusing on something other than what is needed to help themselves or others feel more comfortable in that moment.
Why listen?
Do you feel you can only have compassion for your experience when you have an objective reason to not be functioning at 100%?
This episode examines the different ways compassion is and is not shown by the characters in the 4th Harry Potter book.
The hosts reflect on the different missed opportunities. And somewhat settle on a belief that the driver for the lack of compassion paid, is due to a misdirection of attention. Which is something that can be said to be true for most of us, where self-compassion is concerned. We miss the opportunity to show ourselves compassion. Because our attention is on focused on the consequences of the mistake. Rather than focusing on what is feels like to have made a mistake in the first place.
